My entire life, I’ve always tried to over compensate for the things I lacked. I wanted to fit in and be good “enough” to get good grades despite changing schools at least once a school year (sometimes more than once a school year), mold my personality to be liked by whoever I was around and work myself to exhaustion to be the absolute best with whatever I decided would satisfy being “enough” to my parents, school, culture and childhood religious programming. Basically, I LOATHED what I considered to be childhood set-backs and did not want them to get in the way of my personal achievement journey. This naturally spread into my marriage with me trying to be supermom 24-7. My house is almost always clean, laundry always done, dishes always clean and put away—partly because I thrive in a clean high-vibe environment, and partly because I know if I don’t do those things, I fear I’ll be punished somehow—like I was growing up. But being a full time mom quickly became not enough for me—yes, the kids were always cared for/borderline spoiled, house clean, food purchased and organized in cabinets, meals made and on the table, etc—I felt to be enough I also needed to earn income while simultaneously doing all of those things with grace and a smile on my face. SO, I DID. The only realistic option was network marketing with putting family first, working whatever hours were best for me and being able to take my kids with me everywhere—and it was extremely difficult. I will never be the one to tell you network marketing is easy money because for me, it’s never been easy money. I worked so hard for my paychecks, often telling my kids “not now, I need to focus” more times than I feel is healthy. Earning income felt better than not earning income, though it’s stressful to do both. And after years of this, switching companies and finding my tribe, I still found myself telling my husband “I want to HELP!!” Meaning, I want to help financially. I did not feel “just” being a mom was “enough” or my weekly MLM paychecks were enough either, mainly because I felt they “barely” helped our family. Until finally (and this is now years in the making), my husband sat me down after one of my “I want to help!!” moments and told me “YOU DO HELP!!!!!!!” He told me how we can’t do any of what we are doing without what I do and provide for the boys, our home, the garden, build prep, non-stop researching, hiring builders, grocery shopping, cleaning—all of it. We would not be where we are without what I do. And I should STOP being so concerned with helping because I do help- I am “enough”. I’ve been thinking about this moment for weeks now and wanted to share if you are a mom like me, a mom that is constantly trying to prove your worth or be enough—KNOW THAT YOU ARE ENOUGH! It may take time or a lifetime to fully believe, but start NOW. Look at all you do to create and provide for your family and enhance your home. Even if you don’t see it, a part of you wants to believe it. You are enough!! You are enough! You are enough!!
- Robyn BrownWhat a smart, wonderful man you have in your life!! There aren’t many like him who can see all their wives to keep a family going. He’s a keeper.
- Handlebar HenryYou can simplify this ..don’t worry what other people think. This isn’t saying that you don’t care ..just that it is important about how you feel about yourself. You will never make everyone happy..so don’t worry about it. I learned this at about the age of 12.
- Wendy Koecher VanderNoordaaVery good! Well said
- Jeff HerreraABSOLUTELY YES!
- Kenneth McDadeGreat backhistory and future carryover. You rock.
- Karen McCashDear Rachel, what a beautiful and amazing person you have become. I love you and the man you have chosen as a companion, husband, friend and father to your children. I am so proud of you, how hard you push for and go after what would be seem impossible to others. I regret, that you feel somehow that “religious programming ” happened in our home. I have a strong faith and shared my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I did my best to be an example of the principles and be true and honorable to the covenants I made. I brought you and your siblings with me to church so that you could learn many truths and ultimately decide for yourself how you wish to conduct your life. I respect the life your family is building, how you co parent and are raising fine young boys to be men. I am asking that you not blame a religion for the contentious failures of your parents. What should have been a comfort, guide and joy became a tug of war. I ask for forgiveness if you felt forced or compelled. The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints is founded on Christ and our everlasting agency to choose. Yes, moving too much, flawed parents who would definitely do things differently if do overs were permitted. My goal was as yours is now, to raise wonderful and amazing people. And by the manner each of my children have each become multi-faceted, capable, strong, dependent, brilliant persons….perhaps through (or because of) the failures and faults; the broken but well intentioned pieces– is where the light and love is able to shines through and allows the weakest efforts to be enough to chase out the dark. Please be careful and gentle with sacred things. It was not God or his church that disappointed you. It was me. All my love, Mom
- Rachel McCash CroninKaren McCash I don’t blame you jai faim! I’m sorry you got that out of my post. I tried to keep to events only-moving frequently shaped my beliefs and personality. Being part of ANY religion programs the mind to think, act and behave in certain cultural ways . I definitely meant no offense to any specific religion—which is why I did not mention any specific religion. I have friends in different religions that understand how their religion programmed them to think, act and believe a certain way that later, as an adult, decided did not serve them too. My post was not meant to be an attack on the Mormon religion (again which is why I did not mention it) or on how our family choose to move so frequently—we simply did move frequently and it shaped me. I love that my journey has lead me to awaken spiritually and I can share so much depth with the boys and help them on their own sacred spiritual paths too. I respect your choice in your religious beliefs and am happy it helps you. The Mormon religion was a great stepping stone to help me find the truth and I’m not disappointed at all in it because God is EVERYWHERE and in EVERYTHING—not in just one church. Let’s talk tomorrow!! Thanks for taking the time to read my novel haha.
- Laura Minard RNYour inspiring mama!
- Stephanie VictoriaYour words!! Holy shite. Much love to you, and these wild synchronicities.
- Ulises FlynnThank you for sharing this, since so many women including my wife experience this same feeling. I used to get antsy when our house was not perfectly clean(and I would stay up to get it that way), and over time I’ve realized that it’s way more important to take care of your own sanity than to always have a clean house. There is no way I can do my job (especially with the kids home from school) without my wife. She literally keeps our house running, runs our crazy calendar, and makes sure to spend time with the kids (even though there are other pressing things she could be doing). The time and impact that you are making with your 2 boys is priceless, and other priorities will seem to matter less than just spending time with them. It’s something that I’m still learning and working on. I’ve seen how much better my kids react when I spend more time with them when not. Keep loving your kids, and listening to yourself that you are good enough and that you only answer to you and no one else.